dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
