Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A bitchslap is in order.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize