Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how does that bad decision feel?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
