smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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