he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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