The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
