I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
