Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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