it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize