It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
