Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
