I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize