my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
