I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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