We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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