Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
