Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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