If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your cock deserves a montage
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
