2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize