drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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