Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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