I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I faked an abortion last night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
