Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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