I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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