dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
