Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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