Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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