Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
