we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
