It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
