I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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