I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
