Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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