I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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