he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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