we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
