1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
