Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
