The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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