if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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