Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
