I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
