You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize