Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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