I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
third nipple confirmed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
