Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
