It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize