Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
