Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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