I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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