We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
