Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
