Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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