Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
