I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
