If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
