I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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