How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was like getting head from an anaconda
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
