you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
