I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
