with your own penis?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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