i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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