this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
