I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
