he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
