Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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