my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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