we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think your dad took our porno
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
