I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
