the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
