I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
