I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
