No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
