How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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