Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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