My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just high enough for therapy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
