why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
