There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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