i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you win again, gameday.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
