I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
