Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
