She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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