Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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