i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
