Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
