Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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