I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
