I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize