but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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