The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
