I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
