I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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