I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize